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The first date

After the first date

Should you call straight after the first date or is it better to wait till the next day? Send a text or 100 roses? Suggest dinner at your local Italian or book a cruise? Once you’ve made it successfully past that initial encounter, what is the best course of action? Our tips will help you make the next move with assurance.

After the first date

So, you met for a coffee on your first date, or maybe went for a walk and you thought to yourself that it would be nice to meet up again. So, what should you do next? Is it better to call or is it better to wait? And what should you suggest as a second date?

Take your time

When it comes to love, you should resist any temptation to rush things. “Think carefully about what you want and take a little time to reflect on the first date before taking any action,” advises Sabine Wery von Limont, Parship’s in-house psychologist. “If it was an especially good first date, the euphoria you feel might cloud your judgement.” Equally, if you are someone who can tend to view things negatively, a little distance can help you take a more productive stance.” It’s a matter of enjoying the moment, but you might want to discuss the date and your feelings with a friend. It is certainly worth sleeping on it before you consider the next step you should make.

To call or not call?

It’s the day after the first date. You’re sitting in the office, but you’re having great trouble concentrating on your work. Your thoughts are going round in your head … “I’ll give him a call … No, I’ll wait for him to call … No, I’ll give him a call …” Stop! It’s perfectly normal to think this way, but it doesn’t serve much purpose. In fact, the situation is quite simple. If you want to get in touch, then get in touch. Maybe you can have some fun deciding how you want to get in touch, though. What is vital is to avoid playing games; they can end in misunderstandings which you will then have to unravel - if you can.

Three hours or three days?

No sooner have you decided to get in touch then you have the next dilemma. When is the right moment? If I’m too early, the woman might think to herself, he’ll be eating his soft-boiled eggs or waiting at the check-in desk three hours before take-off. If I wait too long, he will probably already have started a family with someone else … This might be nonsense, but ultimately it’s worth remembering that you should neither rush things nor wait too long. “You should leave a little time before you resume contact,” says Sabine Wery von Limont. “On the day after the first date, you can send a text to say that you enjoyed your time together. Then you can wait a few days before suggesting another date.”

But what if I don’t hear anything back?

If you are a comparatively reserved type, you might well prefer to wait to hear from the other person. A day goes past and the phone doesn’t ring and there are no messages in your Parship inbox. Still no news on the second day. You start to worry - after all, you thought the date had gone rather well. Silence is not necessarily a reason for you to panic …”It might of course mean that the other person isn’t interested,” says Sabine Wery von Limont, “but it could mean the opposite: he or she might be unnerved by having apparently got what he or she was looking for.” The best way to achieve an understanding of the situation is to pluck up your courage and make contact. Say that you would like to take things further. At least then you will be clear on one important point.

100 roses or a text message?

Remember that less can sometimes be more if you are thinking about maybe sending 100 red roses with your invitation to your second date. You could scare the other person off with an over-effusive gesture. Maybe just stick to sending a nice email, or, if you have their address, a postcard or a letter. That’s personal without being intrusive, and hopefully there will be opportunities for gifts in the future. But what about the venue for the second date? … The zoo? Your favourite local restaurant? The best idea is to discuss it with the other person - “It’s a good way of seeing how you agree on things, “says Sabine Wery von Limont, “ and you will get an idea of how much of a creative thinker the other person is.”

Keep your balance

Think of the second date as a complement to the first. If the first was very intense, then think about something with a lighter touch for the second - the zoo might be a good option. If on the first date you had lots of fun, but not much opportunity for a deeper conversation, think about somewhere with a cosy corner for a discussion. “Having fun together and being serious together are both important parts of a long-term relationship,” explains Sabine Wery von Limont. There are, of course, some options you shouldn’t consider … If you’ve got three young children from your first marriage, you should find someone to look after them while you go out on your date; coffee together with your parents could be a little daunting, as could an evening out with your friends; and the cinema, the theatre or a concert leave relatively little room for conversation.

One date leads to another

Dating is a gradual process. Each date is a preparation for the next date, and it’s worth remembering that the other person might need more time to ‘warm up’ than you do - and to get used to idea of possibly starting a relationship. The second date is not conclusive: it just gives you an opportunity to find out more about the other person, to see how comfortable you are in each other’s company and to see how you get on. “Everyone likes the idea of repeating a pleasant experience,” say Sabine Wery von Limont. If the two of you decide you want to keep repeating the experience of each other, then the future could look bright for you as a couple.

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